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Red Carpet Awards Ceremony Season for the Onix Twins

Well it is the season of back slapping award ceremonies and victory speeches whilst at the time appearing to be surprised by one’s victory/success.

The Golden Globes; Oscars; the Academy Awards etc etc

However one Annual Ceremony which took place had all of the mystique of an awards ceremony but none of the over the top behaviour associated to the thespian world from either side of the pond.

Huddled together in tables of 10; buying one’s own dinks; no sponsors goody bags; just proper cyclists there to celebrate their fellow members and to discover what most look like outside the confides of lycra – Not necessarily flattering in some cases.

The 2nd Annual North Cheshire Clarion Awards Evening – sponsored mainly by the members of the club who turned up.

Organised with the patience required to congregate so many competitive cyclists in one room at the same time with the promise of a Cake at the half way stage – The Hickman’s / Giles Perkins and Geoff Prince take a bow – keeping the masses entertained for 3 hours plus was a feat in itself. Hussar to the North Cheshire Clarion.

Simon Richardson re-counted stories of setback and success followed by setback but with the determination for future success – We salute you Sir and we forgive your Welsh Heritage – only joking. I have been out with a couple of nice Welsh Girls in my time – Ewe better believe it!!

The Onix Twins were amongst the awards – well Onix twin 1 was!!! Onix twin 2 yet to compete at such a high level of competition left empty handed apart from his Raffle Prize of Scott Sunglasses.

The highlight of the night was the young lady who won the ONIX Carbon Seat Post and was then heard to ask what type of batteries the device took. You cannot take Warrington out of the girl I am disappointed to say readers.

The other highlights of the night was the appearance of the self made cycling answer to Steve Jobs – Mr Craig Middleton of Onix Bikes – with his entourage which resembled a “Bouncer” and two blokes who I mistook for Twins – I pointed out to Mike & Chris Jackson that the Onix Twins Patent has already been filed for – The Onix Twins Patent Pending (Professor Pat Pending)

The Onix stable producing yet two more fine thoroughbreds at the NCC Dinner; with a pedigree now likened to a fine racing stable – the Onix Brand yet again stuns those who witness the hardware. Even those who have immersed their money into other fine cycling brands; sub-consciously admit “they wish, they so wish they had procured an Onix”

The Onix Twins whole heartedly put the weight of their statue in the cycling world behind the co-incidentally named Onix Cycles. Success we know is guaranteed.


On a personal note the Onix Twins stable has been hit by two critical set backs with less than 100 days to the Alps Trip.

Onix Twin 1 has been struck down by a neck and back injury that has left him un-able to ride and with complete rest seeming to be the only option; his frustration is heart felt but his rehabilitation will be made more exciting as the clock ticks down to the trip in May

Onix Twin 2 has also been struck down by an illness – the 5 day working week. Accustomed to the odd days work and plenty of R&R time in the saddle – OT2 has had to re-assess his training regime and pump a weeks worth of training into 2.5 days. Medical advice has been sought and a strict “need to know” medical programme has been undertaken. OT2 was surprised how much blood was needed to be taken for a rudimentary blood sample but the Doctor has re-assured OT2 that he can have most of it back prior to the Alps once it has been purified at altitude. Until that time carry on training and take two of these little strange tablets daily – mixed in with 400 chin ups at 4am every morning. Strange treatment but it does appear to be working.

The Alps Trip is now some 12 weeks away and the excitement is starting to build – not amongst the 7 cyclists going but in Bourg d’Oisans where base camp for the 7 will be. Locals have somehow misunderstood the trip and word has spread that this could be a remake of the Magnificent 7. Not quite sure how that has happened but – I was never that good at French hmmm!!!

Anyway one last piece of information – I road tested my Onix Winter Bioracer Jacket today under extreme conditions; after a couple of hours in our walk in freezer; I rode in it. It was comfortable and so very “toasty” warm.  If you made the mistake of not buying the Onix Bike and you bought a slightly different bike – do not make the mistake of not checking out the quality of the Onix Clothing range bi Bioracer – 100% endorsed by the Onix Twins


Enjoy the cycling fellow bloggers/tweeters & cyclists.

Stay safe – Please wear a helmet still too many not wearing them.

Check out the Onix 2012 Range they are just the “dogs under-carriage”

The Onix Twins – Patent Pending!!!! (Do you get that you Jacksons!!!?)

Twin Tub-by Ride

Those scales never lie!

Even the lycra has it elasticity limit!

The Winter Coat must be removed!

Stamina is to replace lactic!

The season of 2012 has  begun.

Getting out on your bike is an actual reality. No virtual training watching U-Tube videos of great cycling events. Its time to get of one’s Donkey and get out there and covert some open countryside miles.

The Twins of the Onix Variety are hitting the roads once again; at long last many a critic would probably say; but we are back and raring / roaring to go!!!!

This weekend see’s the cavalcade that normally accompanies the OT’s once again hit the Cheshire Lanes as the season opening ride of last weekend is surpassed by a greater distance achieved; an average speed increase; more ft/m of ascent climbed and hopefully better weather.

Goals set for the impending French Alps Trip in mid-May has led to a flurry of activity in Camp Onix Twins; but the base miles must still be completed and we accept anybody who wishes to enjoy the fun with us; just turn up. Do a turn on the front; no obvious draughting and plenty of Onix T Banter. The obligatory Carb Intake  stop (cycle jargon for Cake) and cuppa will take place at some point – but enjoyment and improved fitness is the nature of the ride.

All good people welcome!!!

The Alps in 118 days – Will the Onix Twins be Ready

The days just seem to be disappearing one at a time at the moment. It only seemed like yesterday was Monday and before you know it tomorrow will be Wednesday!

It is now a concern that the fitness levels required; by both the twins to conquer the infamous Col’s of the Alps; will in fact be reached.

Illness and back issues have set both Twins back in their attempts to be fit enough to haul themselves day after day into the Hot Tub at the catered chalet in Bourg d’Oisans in mid-May.

Open-air Riding appears to be the revolutionary / modern way to go! The Turbo sessions now need to be scaled down and opportunities must be taken at all times to hit the open road; rain or shine!!!

Preparing for such a trip also throws up its own set of unique problem. The Twins plus fellow cyclist Professor Giles Perkins are attempting the trip by land enveloped in the car of choice of the Onix Twins; the Land Rover Discovery.

Will there be enough space for 3 bikes?

Will we have enough space for tool kits and essential spares?

Will we have any space left to fit any clothes in the car plus essential toiletries?

A practice Disco pack I am sure will take place before the event; but these concerns are all a tad worrying as the countdown clock ticks around to the 18th May.

The Channel Tunnel is looking to be the favourite mode of travel in reaching the Continental Plateau of Europe. Followed by an evening somewhere in deepest vineyard country as we pause for breath and a good nights sleep en route to the French Alps. Couple of glasses of wine might not go a miss – I have heard the Vino Kourov is a cheeky little white in the region.

Then a short jaunt across France to our base for 1 week; where we will await our 4 illustrious cycling compadre’s as they re-enact the Steve Martin classic “Trains Planes and Automobiles” in an effort to get to the chalet for a reasonable time on the Saturday evening – for an evening of relaxation/planning and Vino Collapso!

Then into the Hot Tub for some Borat style wrestling!!!

So the group comprising Ant & Dec; Professor Giles Perkins; Martin “Brian Clough” Hickman; Paul “Pablo/Ian Brown/Morrisey Weaver and the Onix Twins make up the party.

Reminiscent of scenes from the Magnificent 7 as we all take on starring roles in one way or another in the Alps.

Set your ALP Vent Calendar going – only 118 more doors to open before departure date.

You can follow the trip day by day mile by mile if you log into the Home Office website and enter the Personal Tagging Device Code ( as currently worn by OT the younger on his left ankle) ; should have taken the fine and the speed awareness course – OTJNR46LOOKS36


Onix Twins get their own TLA

This weekend has seen the Onix Twins return to the open roads after their winter sabbatical of 6 weeks.

During that time injuries have been nursed; food and drink has been consumed to excess and cycling attire has had to be stretched to fit again.

However the back has been broken as the first ride was completed on Saturday.

Thirty Five miles of riding was deemed adequate for the first ride of the season and a mid-point break was taken at the Lavender Barn in Dunham; by far the best cafe stop on the Cheshire circuit of rides. Whilst at the Lavender Barn the Onix Twins were honoured with their first TLA (3 Letter Acronym) the OTT – the Onix Twins Table. In honour of the ongoing support given to the Lavender Barn the OT were honoured with their own regular table at the Barn.

The actual ride consisted of the OT’s riding “Carbon Kites” for two hours as the gale force winds made cycling unpleasant at best.

But importantly this was the first stage in the Race to the Alps which begins in just over 130 days from now.

Sunday saw the OT’s take a well-earned rest from the open roads and return to the warmth and boredom of the Turbo Trainers.

A non-riding visit to the Lavender Barn for lunch was made extra special by the chance meeting with fellow cyclist Adam Sharples. At first not recognisable as he has taken his “Movember Growth” thru into the new year. However it was good to see him out and enduring the precipitation that seems to accompany most rides at the moment.

Next Weekend see the OT’s out yet again as they pursue the miles required to build the stamina required for the Cols of the Alps.

Apologies once again for their being absolutely no useful helpful training hints or anything technically useful in this blog.





2012 is upon Us

Not exactly ground breaking news but by now you will have all realised we are in a New Year 2012. This is the year that so much is expected. Not only do we all hope the Economy recovers but we all hope that the Olympics are a success for UK athletes and England perform well at the 2012 Euros.

Hmm two of those statements are pure fantasy but there is hope for the Global Economy at least.

Things to look forward to from the Onix Twins in 2012:

Early Season miles in really hostile conditions where you come home colder than when you set off!

Onix Twin the younger actually getting to ride the “bling” Azzurro that is still un-blemished & un-used!

Onix Twitter Rides throughout the UK with David “Bear Grylls” Harmon at the helm and the rest of the Onix Crew!

Continued sponsorship from Land Rover for the Onix Twins!

The long-awaited trip to the French Alps as part of a 7 strong group of riders. The group made up of guys all around a similar age range and reasonably similar abilities are hoping to take in some of the infamous mountain top finishes experienced by the top pro’s on the Tour. Also the new experience for some of the Catered Chalet format at the base of the Cols and the external Hot Tub. Hard days riding followed by relaxing ambience and communal man bathing!!

The trip begins for some with a Road Trip “driving to the hut”; whilst others are taking the “planes/trains & automobiles” route. In itself an experience for both groups with the sole intention of getting to the chalet in one piece with accompanying bike bag/box intact.

The continuing success of the global brand is also something that the Onix Twins will be hoping for in 2012 as the Onix Cycling Range goes from strength to strength in its quest to compete with the “big boys” of the cycling world. We the Onix Twins have had a cheeky little wager on this with confidence that getting our money back and more is assured.

So for now the quest is to get back out onto the open roads of the surrounding countryside once the high winds subside and plant some miles into the memory of those legs that will be working so hard in the Alps come May.

We the Onix Twins wish you a Happy New Year for 2012 and a prosperous one at that. Safe Riding to you all.

This blog is bought to you without any helpful/useful information whatsoever. No bikes or cyclists were harmed in the writing of this blog. Remember a Bike isn’t just for Christmas it’s for the shit English Weather too.

Safe Riding fellow cyclists.

Remember if you cannot be Onix then just try to be Truthful!


Will the Real Ant & Dec please Stand Up!!!

Will the real Ant & Dec please step forward.

Recent Press and Internet speculation has arisen over the Real / Original Ant & Dec!!!

Unbeknown to many outside the small sedate cycling club that is the North Cheshire Clarion; quietly be draped in their  NCC club colours and who silently pedal about their business. resplendent on most Sunday mornings amongst the backdrop of the scenic countryside of yet another distance sapping Audax route are the duo best known as Ant & Dec – The Original Ant & Dec. Not the attention seeking Geordie Duo who will stoop to any level to become constant irritants in our day-to-day life.

We the Onix Twins are intent on exposing the pair who claim to be the original Ant & Dec.

We will bring you the real Ant & Dec; not a pair of Geordie’s who could not make it in life because they were not good enough to play for either Middlesbrough or Sunderland the 2 great Geordie North East teams; wanting to be the next Geordie legends to follow in the footsteps of Malcolm McLaren; Jill Gascoine or Alan Sugar – No we will bring you the Truth. The real Ant & Dec will get the true praise that they deserve. Who knows you may have ridden alongside them on an Audax or even ridden in the draught created by Declan’s natural windbreak …. Coming Soon to the Onix Twins World Wide Inter Blog “Ant & Dec Exposed”





Blog Updates Delay due to Technology Enhancements

Greetings and Seasonal Greetings at that.

The OnixTwins Blog has not been updated recently due to some technical problems. Delays in the launch of our new media satellite have led to our World Web Wide or WWWW as its known by its acronym; being halted at a time when there was so much information to share on the lives and tribulations of the OnixTwins.

Anyway the nice guy down at the local Space Agency; Comet; said our new satellite would be installed very soon and we would be back on-line with loads of extra programs and Eye Definition; not sure what all that means but I still only seem to have my Microsoft programmes even with the new satellite Dish. Technology has certainly moved on; I remember them using the Space Shuttle to launch Seattleites but now since the demise of the Shuttle Programme they just bolt the satellites to the side of your house!!! The Space Race – Ha; that reminds me of a weekend in Amsterdam “the Space Cake Race” – Anyway I am rambling.

Well I went into my local corner shop the other day and Mr Singh-Foryoursupper was selling the latest in Telephone technology from India; the “iBerry4sri” – only £99 plus a Sim Card that allows you to ring anywhere in the Asian Sub-Continet for 2p per minute seemed a bargain at the time but the Take-Away’s seem to be taking forever to deliver.

Well it is a quiet time for the OnixTwins and the Road Cycling. One Twin is injured and struggling with his Gregory Peck at the moment and the other Twin is just so nesh he won’t go out in the cold. It’s all Turbo Training at the moment; but with the Alps only 180 days away; the intensity will need to increase.

Our friend Craig at Onix Cycles has been inundated with great news; which has been good to hear in such troubled global times and the new Onix Livery is resplendent and would always make a great Xmas Present for those of you who want to look the real deal; even if you do not YET have an Onix Frame. Check out those new long sleeve shirts.

Now with christmas on the horizon we need to all be careful of the over indulgence as we fight hard to keep that perfect cycling physique. So a little but often is my motto; do not over indulge and when you get back on that bike; a little extra in the tyres will be all you need as you shed those extra ounces you have gained.

The OnixTwins are hoping for a White Christmas; no we aren’t going to a Columbian Marching Powder Party over Christmas; we mean a seasonal flutter of snow for the Kids to enjoy and yet another excuse not to have to venture out on the roads.

We wish you all a safe build-up to Xmas and keep safe/well and prosperous.

I know times are hard but I got mugged on my way to the post box this morning for the stamps on my Christmas Cards – therefore I shall not be sending any; so Merry Christmas everyone from the OnixTwins.






S.A.T. begins already for Onix Twin Jnr

Onix Twin Jnr as a result of his recent efforts and his display on the Onix Twitter Ride has decided to ramp up his SAT.

The Onix Twins although in good form at the end of the season have agreed that over the last 10 weeks the intensity of riding has dropped and that a base level needs to be maintained over the brrrrrrr cool winter months.

Warm weather training has begun. Hours of intense Turbo Training indoors in the conservatory help to maintain the base level of fitness in the legs.

Further OTR (Onix Twitter Rides) “Tarka’s” will be completed and plenty of lumps will be covered to ensure that the legs are ready for the good weather rides of 2012.

Never to far apart the OT’s working like a well oiled engine will be grinding out the miles in an attempt to get those 40+ bodies around the long routes planned for next year.

Excited about the OTR’s going around the country. Hoping / Thinking that Craig should organise Ride T-Shirts almost like Tour T-Shirts with dates on.

People can then wear the casual Onix look – Giving that idea to you Craig for nothing!!!

OT’s proud to ba associated with the Onix Brand.


Onix Twins to join the Onix Fest Ride Road Show

OT Jnr & OT Snr have agreed to join the Onix Fest and take part in the “road shows” that will take the Onix Brand around the British Isles.

Hoping to complete more extreme rides through weather fit for any season, the Twins have been hooked by the idea of turning up en-masse at a Village Pub and taking over the car park without any prior warning. Priceless!!

The chance to rub shoulders with fellow Onix enthusiasts and some of the elite of the cycling world has led to the OTwins in to re-thinking their season ahead plans and find time for these great events.

Waiving the opportunity to dwell on the loss of a faithful bidon on Sunday;s ride OT Jnr has decided that the price of a bidon is a  price to pay when faced with a ride with so many Onix enthusiasts all congregating for the self-same agenda – to try to shake David Harmon on one of those long climbs.

Looking forward to the 2nd Onix Twitter Ride already. “These twins are not for turning – unless that bloody Mike Jackson tells us too”

Middleton do your stuff and let’s get out there soon. Onixward and Upward!!




Harmon is the Bear Grylls of the Onix Twitter Ride

The inaugural Onix Twitter Ride was held today under conditions which could only be described as adventurous.

With a 50 year storm enveloping the peak district around Macclesfield; a party of some 30+ willing riders turned up to partake in what should have been a 50+ miles ride and 5000 ft  of climbing.

Things began badly as the “Nora Batty” like landlady of the pub which was to have been the unofficial Onix Meet Point; decided that she was in-fact the infamous Viz character Farmer Palmer – “Get of moi land!!!”

Cars re-located alongside the reservoir – the ride finally commenced under greying skies driving rain and 40+ mph winds.

The warm-up  16% climb out of Macc Forest certainly split the field and within 2 miles of the start of the ride the Onix Peloton was split.

Some “mis-heard!!!” directions from the Onix Team Car led to a further splitting of the group and an eventual / official split in the group.

The Onix Twins led the one half of the split up Wildboarclough to its summit; to be faced with a decision that only a great mind could then make.

“Do we turn left or right at the T junction?” cometh the hour cometh the man!! Mr David Harmon.

Harmon Grylls as I will always know him as from this day forth – made a decision that only a survivor would make.

“We will go right; riding 2 a breast and if we don’t find the others we will come back through Macclesfield and up the Cat & Fiddle”

The man is a Genius – Thanks Harmo sense in the times of a crisis…I would of gone left.

Finally all back together the Onix Twins began to display their mental strength and twin like togetherness and forged ahead leading the bedraggled flock of Onix Tweeters up the climb to the summit.

A descent in to Macclesfield was quickly followed by the Cat & Fiddle.

Numerous mechanical issues plus an amazing tail wind seemed to break the group up once again. Followed by some more “mis-heard” directions from the Onix Team Car and the Cat & Fiddle was ascended from 3 sides of the infamous peak – Well it seemed like that.

The feeling of a tail wind at the top of the Cat & Fiddle was amazing plus that wicked side wind that took Onix Twin Junior on to the grass verge into a Technical Foot Down Off Piste incident.

Regrouped at the top minus the Bio-Racer boys who left to attend  another gig in the midlands; it was a fast descent before a Harmon controlled right turn towards Congleton which led to 2 miles of side wind hell across the peaks before a final regroup back into Macc Forest via Wildboarclough. Taking in that ridiculous sharp climb before descended back to the sanctuary of the cars and the “welcoming landlady and her public house”.

The ride was cut short due to the weather conditions that the meteorological department would describe as “filthy”

But a successful sunday jaunt. Respect for Craig / Phil Jones and the Mighty Harmon for fronting up to the landlady in the car park.

Thanks to all who attended. Made the experience pleasurable in less than ideal conditions.

I will always be indebted to David “Bear Grylls” Harmon though. The man is a legend. The Jane Austin of our lifetime “Sense & Sensibility”

Cheers Dave the OT’s love you man!!